Dimitri's Punishment
by FuryPossessed
Summary: Rose has just been taken back to the Ski Lodge after Mason's death but what does Dimitri do whilst Rose and her friends are recovering? Thess scenes show us what punishments Dimitri faces in the days between Spokane and Rose going back to class.
1. Alberta

**Just a thought I had whilst looking through my story files. What happens to Dimitri once he's brought Rose and co. back from Spokane. I might add other little scenes between him and other characters if you like this one, not as a story just another scene but first of all I'd like to know what you all think. So read on and Review! Loves ~Fury**

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When we got back to the lodge I walked Rose back to her room with Janine and Vasilisa. After that Alberta called me to the room that was used as the base of operations. It was the first time in days that the room had been still and empty giving it the ominous feel operations rooms always have after the event has been resolved. The table in the middle still had maps over it and there were still pictures on the walls. There was only a lamp on but it was more than enough to see by even though it cast deep shadows everywhere. Alberta, tired but relieved, was sat slouched in one of the chairs at the table. I closed the door behind me and she looked round.

"Guardian Belikov, take a seat." She sat up and put both of her hands on the table.

I sat down knowing what was coming. I kept my hands under the table and didn't look directly at her as she began.

"Tell me exactly why you told Rose about Spokane." She began.

"Treating her like an adult challenges her behaviour. It also builds trust which is good for her because she thinks people don't trust her after she took the princess away." I explained confidently.

"Can you blame us?" Alberta asked with colour in her voice. "What she did was inexcusable. She should have known better!"

"Rose's past actions," I said defensively, "aren't in question here."

"No, yours are." She replied sagely. I hadn't been talked to like this since I was at St. Basil's. I didn't blame her for this – in her eyes I'd made an elementary mistake but I'd do exactly the same if I had a chance to go back. I think. Rose needed to be challenged but if the results of her ensuing actions meant death and destruction… was it really worth it?

"Belikov," she began. "I understand your thinking but it was still a mistake. You realise this kind of thing is seriously punishable." She arched an eyebrow at me and looked me in the eye. "I don't care what you think, what you did was wrong."

"She needs to be trusted more, she'll never grow otherwise." I said hotly.

"At the expense of her sanity?" she shot back just as savagely making me flinch. Again I saw Rose in that house barely clinging onto her self, the feral look in her eyes when she contemplated killing us too, her shaking in my arms and her later tears.

"But I didn't tell Mason." I said quietly needing to defend myself even though I wasn't the one hurting. I felt guilty for it but I couldn't recall the words.

"No you didn't." she sighed. "Nor did you irrationally go after him. True you couldn't foresee this but there are some things, no matter how much we trust her, that she should not be told."

"What's going to happen to her?" it would be just too generous if Rose got let off. True Mason's actions had been his own but the way the system would see it was that she'd told him making it her fault and I'd told her making me even more responsible but still I half expected her to get a punishment.

"Nothing. She's learnt her lesson and lost a friend. If anything she'll go down as a hero." I snorted disgusted. There were no heroics in what she'd just done. Not many people would see it like that but I knew her. She hadn't gone looking for an adventure or the recognition. She just did what she had to. "She'll get time to recover. They all will. Don't let her train until she is better."

"I won't. I'll talk to her and help her get through this."

"Good. As for you." She said pointedly. I sat there and gulped knowing my punishment was going to be harsh. I deserved no less. My palms began sweating. "You're not getting punished either."

My head snapped back up in disbelief. This had to be wrong surely. Surely they had to have misread my involvement in all this. I was supposed to get the harshest punishment of all. I wanted to get punished or have my chances of being Vasilisa's guardian slashed. I deserved that much for what I had done to Rose and what had subsequently been allowed to happen to Mason. All of them would get better but it would take time. All of them apart from Mason. He'd never walk this world again.

"You've seen the effect of your actions. People you are responsible for were put in danger and are suffering which is punishment enough. Look around." She said. "Really take a good look around this room."

I did. My hands were resting on maps that detailed the immediate area and the places that had been searched by guardians hoping to find the missing students. The one on the top near Alberta was of Spokane and the house where they had been found was marked out in angry red pen. Mobile phones and a land line were scattered over everything on the table. There was even a coffee mug where Alberta had been sat.

I was sat in the chair where Ellen Kirova had been sat in a panic. Janine hadn't been much better off but had composed herself better and stood at the head of the table. On the wall opposite where I was now sat were pictures of Mia, Eddie, Christian, Rose and Mason for the guardians who didn't know what they looked like. We'd questioned Vasilisa on the couch in the corner where left over bits of food and mugs sat on the table next to it.

Fear and determination were still evident in the air. We'd all been a buzz of activity and that adrenalin had filled the air. The only calm place had been where Janine slept on the same sofa were the Princess had been questioned. Now though the air was still and the emotions were slowly bleeding out becoming as relieved as we all were.

Disappointment surrounded Alberta even though she was just as relieved as me. She looked sad too, a little angry still. When I'd first told her that I'd told Rose about Spokane she'd almost flipped and shouted at me but had known it wasn't the time. Now that it was all resolved and her anger had subsided brought down by the tragedy she simply looked at me with her sad gray eyes.

"Your fault, Dimitri." she stood up and walked out the room without sparing any of my feelings.

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**Please R&R!**

**Vampire Academy and all it's characters belong to Richelle Mead... and I am incredibly jealous that I didn't think of it first. **


	2. Rose

**This next scene is pretty long - apologies but I didn't want to split it into two. This one is Dimitri's point of view of a scene I wrote in _Camping_ one of my other stories. I want to bring out Dimitri's vulnerable side a bit but I'm not sure if I went a little over the top with it or not. I'll be extremely grateful of your opinion on this so Reviews and constructive criticism are more than welcome. Hope you enjoy! ~Fury**

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Mason's funeral did me as much good as it did Rose. I would have liked to sit but I was on guardian duty but that didn't mean I couldn't listen to the priest and think about what I'd done and ask for forgiveness. I didn't ask God for forgiveness – it would be a waste of time as He wasn't real but I did ask Mason. I guess if there was such a thing as a heaven Mason would be up there wanting use all to be happy and I figured he'd know what was going through my mind.

As I stood there, purposely in the shadows, I let my guilt wash over me in black rolling waves. Bottom line – this was my fault. If I hadn't told Rose we wouldn't be here now and we'd be back at St. Vladimir's. If that were the case I'd be watching Rose train with Mason, a smile on their faces when they finished a fight no matter who won or lost.

From where I was I could see them – Eddie, Mia, Christian and Rose. Mia was the only one openly crying, Eddie had tears rolling down his face, Christian was forcing himself to stay stoic as I much expected and Rose was just sitting there not trying to school her face into any particular emotion. She didn't hold anything back and I guiltily thought she looked serene. She was obviously pained and blaming herself but she sat with natural composure and calmness.

I wondered what, if anything, was going through her mind. Was she wishing he was alive? Probably. Was she blaming herself? Definitely. Was she holding me with some sort of responsibility? I hoped not even though it was my fault. I didn't want her to hate me for what had happened. I didn't want her to think I was weak for making the error I had. I still wanted to be the perfect guardian she thought I was. If she hated me I don't think I knew what I'd do.

We were lead out to where he would be buried. I stayed close by at the back of the group as near guard. No one said anything as we moved together, a wave of blackness and mourning. When we got there the priest said the final prayers and everyone gave Ms. Ashford their final respects. Even the guardians.

Rose hung back looking at nothing, or Mason, I don't know. I knew she needed some more time and stepped up to take my turn.

"I'm sorry, Ella." I said. "He was a good kid. Trained really well. I' sorry for what happened and that we didn't get there in time, but he died dong what he thought was best. He's probably the only reason Rose is alive."

"Don't try and glorify his death." She spat. "He was just a naïve kid in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I'm sorry."

She nodded cordially and I walked away. Rose took my place.

"He was brave. And a good friend and… I'm so sorry." It was the first time I'd heard her speak about it since it happened. She sounded so fragile compared to normal even though this time I could hear that she was trying to be strong, more for her sake than Ella's. It would be good if she cried but I knew she'd never cry in front of his Mom which was probably a good thing for both of them somehow.

"You did your best, Rose." Ella said gently. "We can't ask for more."

S walked over to Mason's grave. I didn't see what she was doing as her back was to me and I couldn't make out the strangled words that she said but she took off down the path, her emotions finally overcoming her.

Celeste tried to go after her but I caught her arm to stop her and walked passed. Any other guardian would have been right on her heels in case any danger appeared but I knew there was none. We were in the sun so there were no Strigoi and we were far away from the reach of those humans who might have helped the Strigoi in Spokane. We were in a different state for heavens sake. But mostly I walked slowly because I was afraid of what I might see or what Rose might say. More over I knew she needed some time otherwise she'd just pull all the emotions in again.

I saw her stop the other side of what appeared to be a random section of wall which I suspected were old boundaries of the cemetery. Slowly, preparing myself for the worst I walked round it.

Rose was sat on the floor, her knees drawn up to herself, tears falling out of her eyes. Tears for Mason this time. She'd cried for everything else but not Mason. I wanted to sit next to her and pull her into my arms but I knew that I couldn't. I was on guardian duty and even though we were at a funeral there was only so much I was allowed to do to help her as she was my student. If I wasn't afraid of someone rounding the corner to call us back I'd hang the rules but the last thing Rose needed right now was for me to get into trouble.

"It's not fair." She whispered her voice hoarse and thin.

"It never is, Rose." I whispered back hoping I was reassuring her but sure I was failing her.

"It should have been me, not him."

My heart skipped a beat. I knew she'd say that at some point but that didn't' mean I was ready for it. I knew she would have sacrificed herself to save any of them if it had come down to it but hearing it in her voice was different. More real. I stayed strong for her though. No matter what had happened and was continuing to happen and how I felt I knew she felt worse and I wanted to be strong for her. "Don't say that."

"But it should have!" she shouted. "He should never have been there. He should never have known where they were. I shouldn't have told him and you shouldn't have told me!" I'd already been told that a number of times but from Rose it was more painful. They were giving me facts, Rose was accusing me plain and simple. It hit deeper cutting into me like a knife.

I deserved it, more than this even – I should have taken his place and gladly would have if we'd been there sooner. Even so I didn't want this to come from Rose. I knew she didn't mean everything behind her words but she did mean some of it and that was bad enough. She shouted the rest at me and I listened hoping there was something she didn't blame me for.

"If you hadn't told me I wouldn't have been able to tell him and he would be alive right now. You should have known better. You're supposed to know what I'm like and not told me. It's my fault that he's dead! My fault! And you know why I told him? Because I was jealous at Tasha and angry with you." Her voice faltered and the next bit came out quietly. "I told him because I was angry at you. And then whilst we were escaping he told he me hoped we could work things out between us. And I told him I still loved him. If I'd told him the truth he wouldn't have come back for me. He wouldn't. And he'd be here and he'd only have a broken heart. And I could watch over him and… and…" that's when her tears became incontrollable.

I almost cried along with her right then myself. I had the picture of her lying dead in that house burned into my mind now and it shook me to the core. If she had been the one to die I would have fallen apart and would have wanted revenge. I probably wouldn't have stopped until I got it either. I added this to my list of punishments and took it.

Rose managed to get a few word out past the lump in her throat that was suffocating her. "He'd be alright. I went to save him to cover my own stupidity. To save my pride. If I'd just told you…"

"They'd all be dead." I said softly knowing this would help her. I knew she'd blame herself and she had to move passed that if she wanted to come to terms with this. She couldn't go on forever with this guilt in her heart. "Rose, it's not your fault."

"But it is!" she again and then whispered, "It is."

"No." I said firmly, almost harshly. I managed to keep anger out of my voce because what did I really have to be angry about? My choices obviously, but nothing that Rose had done apart putting us all through hell, but that wasn't what we were addressing here. Not today. Today was about Mason and everyone getting better. "He made his own choices. He chose to go back and save you. He chose to go to Spokane." My voice got harsher as I said those sentences but I don't think she noticed.

"But he wouldn't have been able to if you hadn't told me!" she shot back stabbing me in the heart again. "When did you get so stupid Dimitri? You have a part in all this. You're the beginning of this mess."

"Rose…" I began breaking in the inside. How could I have let this happen?

"No, Dimitri. Don't. If you hadn't been so careless so stupid he'd still be here."

I snapped unable to see her like that and not do anything remotely comforting. I didn't care about the rules anymore. I wanted to be there for her and hold her and so many other things. With Rose in the state she was I didn't thin k anyone would blame more for holding her. "Roza…"

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop being so calm about this. No don't touch me! It's your fault and I hate you for it!" she was in hysterics now, falling to pieces all over again.

I gripped my arms resisting the urge to shake her. "Roza!"

She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. Really looked at me for the first time since I'd come over here. I hoped she saw strength and safety even thought I was pretty sure the only thing I looked was panicked. I pushed those thoughts aside and made myself be strong for her. She needed me right now and I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to be the one to bring her back from the edge of her despair. I wanted to prove to myself I still deserved someone like her even after what I'd done.

All I saw in her beautiful eyes for a moment was pain and anger and sorrow and so many other negative emotions – blame, hate, fear. They all washed over her in one wave of death. I looked at her more intensely needing her to come back. I wanted to give her my strength and I wanted her to take it more than anything else in the world. Whatever she needed I'd be there. I'd give it to her in a heart beat.

Some spark of herself battled through making everything that had happened become truly real for her. The acceptance hit her like a speeding truck. Collapsing into my chest she cried even more than before. These, my mother would say, were real tears. Harsh, painful, full of truth.

I wrapped my arms around her shielding her from everything that was around us. This moment was one, I knew, that would change everything between us. The love that we were bound by became stronger as we stood there and would rule and conduct our every action. I had never wanted this kind of shift in our relationship to be borne of hate and death though. I couldn't deny what was happening though. Somehow within the tragedy of what I'd helped to create something beautiful was emerging.

I was only sad that it had to happen without Rose noticing. I knew that she couldn't see anything passed her sorrow which was how it was supposed to be right now. She needed this time to recover. To fully break and then slowly repair. I knew I wouldn't have my _Roza _back for some time – which I added to my list of inadequate punishments – but she needed this.

For perhaps the thousandth time since they all went missing I cursed myself for the mess I'd created. Even though Mason had been killed what I hated myself for most was what I'd allowed to happen to my _Roza_.

I wanted to stay there for the whole day, until she stopped crying and hurting, but I knew that we had to get back. I wanted to carry her there so she might not hurt her feet on the path because she didn't deserve to hurt any more, but I knew I couldn't.

When we got back to the group Rose stood with her friends and I was once again left alone in my sorrow.

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**Hoped you liked it please R&R **

**Richelle Mead own VA. **


	3. Janine

**This scene probably should have come after the Alberta one since I decided to set it straight after but hey. This is just a short one with Janine talking to Dimitri. Hope you enjoy! Remember reviews = quicker updates! **

**Vampire Academy belongs to Richelle Mead, not me even though I wish it did. **

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I hadn't long left the operations room when Janine saw me as I walking toward the canteen to get a burger or something. Anger flashed in her eyes and I knew that she held me responsible for this. I did too. Knowing I deserved a lot more than a mother's anger I walked towards her not afraid to take what was coming to me.

"Guardian Hathaway." I said cordially no longer sure where I stood with her. Before we'd been on a first name basis but no matter what Rose said about her mother having bad parenting skills Janine was as protective as a lioness is over her cubs. Although she had self control on par to match any other guardian I was surprised she hadn't shouted at me yet which was the least I deserved.

"Save it. I don't want to hear it." she said holding up a dismissive hand.

"You're not angry?" I asked certain I was wrong.

"Now isn't the time." I was disappointed. I wanted someone to shout at me. Alberta had shown me disappointment but all I wanted was for someone to shout at me. Janine continued. "I can't stay long and you have a better relationship with Rose than I do. Help her get better and let me know how she is because God knows she won't."

"She wishes she knew you better too." I said softly. "You'll get there."

"_That_ almost wasn't possible." She said tersely. It was the most anger I'd felt from anyone since this had begun and although it stung it help me to feel that slight bit better. "Look Dimitri, I do blame you. I completely blame you." The words hurt like a knife stabbing me in the heart and they didn't help as much as I thought they would. They made me feel worse than I already did and an extra layer of guilt closed around my heart. "But you're also the only person who can really help her. Since you've been training her Alberta says she's changed and I've seen it myself. You're _usually_ a good guardian." Okay ouch. I liked to think I was always a good guardian. It seemed I still had a bit of improving to do. "Don't let this set you back. It could endanger Rose."

"I won't let anything else happen to her. I promise."

"Right. Well. I'm already late as it is." She walked down the corridor no doubt back to her Moroi charge.


	4. Roza

**Again this is all out of order if you;re expecting a continuous story but these are just stand alone scenes and the last one has no affect on the last and all that jazz. Think of it as a bunch of one shots if you will. Anyway sorry for the delay in updating (I'm trying to make it ever other day) but I was away from my computer for the whole weekend. I missed writing so much... Back to the point. I'm back and here's the next scene. Hope you like and enjoy. Please R&R as reviews mean updates and cyber hugs and kisses for you all. **

**Disclaimer: The VA world in tis entirety belongs to Richelle Mead. **

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"Dimitri." a soft voice said behind me. I turned to see Vasilisa walking towards me.

"Princess." I said cordially. She'd asked me to call her Lissa a few times but after everything I'd put her though when Rose went missing I didn't think I deserved the honour.

She briefly rolled her eyes. "Call me Lissa. I'm worried about Rose. She won't talk to me."

"She just needs time to recover." I said it with some of Rose's bravado injected to colour my voice but I was even more worried than before. I knew that if she wanted to talk to me she'd find me but I thought she'd talk to Vasilisa as soon as she knocked on her door. "It'll take time."

"Will… will you try and talk to her for me?"

"Of course. I'll go in a few minutes I just need to check something. How's Christian?"

"Coping." Stressed lined her face and filled her voice. "He's… quite. Spends most of his time in the attic of the chapel." She suddenly stopped.

"I won't tell anyone. I know you two spend time up there." if there was only one thing I could do to help after this mess I'd gladly keep their secret for them. "I think he's coping better than everyone else."

"It doesn't feel like it." she said sadly, tears welling in her eyes. "Look I should go." She quickly retreated back to the Moroi dorms.

When I got to the junction between the Dhampir dorms and the Dhampir lounge I headed for the dorms instead of checking on the aftermath of a fight like Alberta had asked me to. The people in there would be able to sort it and if I told Alberta I was with Rose she'd let me off.

I was just stepping inside the girls' dorm corridor when Meredith called out to me.

"I'm busy just now, Meredith." I replied not breaking stride.

"It's about Rose." she said keeping up with me. I was instantly more interested but didn't stop walking. "I saw her break down earlier."

I stopped in my tracks and looked at her. She couldn't be serious could she? Rose would never do that. She'd save her tears for when she was alone. Before I knew what I was doing I was gripping Meredith's shoulders and shaking her.

"What happened? Did she say anything?" I looked into her eyes as she spoke.

"Nothing!" she exclaimed looking worried.

I realised it was probably my fault she was freaking out and stopped shaking her and relaxed my grip.

"She didn't say anything. She was just crying. She was in the bathroom looking in the mirror. She saw my reflection and just burst into tears. Scared the hell out of me. She collapsed to the floor and was just crying." She started to panic all over again.

It was strange really. She could be perfectly calm in class no matter what was going on around her but as soon as one of her friends was in trouble outside of the classroom she'd panic. I wasn't blaming her but it was still strange and something she needed to work on.

"Guardian Belikov, you have to help her."

"Where is she?" I asked patiently even though all I really wanted to do was shake the information out of her.

"Still in the bath – "

I didn't let her finish the word but rushed straight there without a second thought. I opened the door slowly so as not to startle her. I heard her sobs from around the corner. Slowly, tentatively I approached.

She was curled up on the floor with her head in her hands shaking uncontrollably. She was trying to control her tears which was the worst thing for her. She needed to let it all out and allow herself to felt the all consuming pain that was sitting within her trying to break free. If she didn't she'd never recover. As it was I wasn't sure if she was going to. She was still fragile and broken. Broken because of me.

I knew that if she saw me she'd force herself to stop crying. Even though it pained me to hear the sound and do nothing about it I sat down just around the corner from her and leant my head against the wall waiting for the worst of her tears to subside.

Her sobs ripped my heart to shreds as I sat there. My breathing became heavy and laboured just listening to her as I tried to not cry myself. She didn't need me to cry. She needed me to be strong.

"I keep seeing his eyes." she said through her tears surprising me.

"Mason's?"

"Isaiah's."

I knew the fear she was feeling. When I made my first kill I had seen her eyes for two months in my dreams keeping me awake for hours every night. Half the time I had wondered if I had really killed her and expected her to come after me wanting revenge. I'd been scared to sleep some nights because I knew what awaited me.

Now my _Roza_ was experiencing the same. I wanted to hold her and keep her in the safety of my arms for ever and a day. I wanted that more than anything.

"You're safe here, Rose. You'll always be safe here."

I heard her stand up and I did the same. When she rounded the corner I saw a person who was only a fragment of the _Roza_ I knew and loved. Her shoulders were slumped and her eyes… God her eyes. They held none of the fire I was used to seeing. They were haunted. Haunted. Haunted by something that should never have happened to her. Even though she might recover those beautiful eyes would never be the same again. Fire and determination may shine in them again but they would always be shadowed by this ghost of her past.

I pulled her into my arms and held her there for as long as she let me which was longer than I expected. When she pulled away she brushed passed me and silently left the room.

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**I almost hate myself for how low Rose is feeling. If you hate me too just say so in a review ;) **


	5. Ellen Kirova

**Richelle Mead owns VA. **

**This chapter is more of an inner punishment for our sexy Russian God. Hope you like it! Please review. ~Fury**

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I wasn't sure what Ellen wanted. Maybe she'd decided to sack me for what I'd done. Either way I was slightly nervous when I knocked on her door. She never really asked Alberta to send messages onto us if she wanted to see us. Instead she came to find us herself even if we were guarding a class which invariably got 'oooh's' from the class as if we were being hauled off for a telling off.

My turn to go and see her, however, had been met with silence. Alberta had come to find me which the class also recognised as unusual. They'd been listening to Stan talking about guarding techniques when she came in and scanned the room for me. The room which had already been silent became more silent still. I paused for a moment.

"Come on Belikov." Alberta said as if I was a disobedient teenager. I half expected her to put a hand on her hip.

The class all looked at me as I walked out of the classroom.

Alberta didn't bother escorting me there which was kind of a good sign but she didn't look too relaxed either. I didn't take that as a good sign.

Now with the door looming right in front of me I couldn't help but be nervous. With my hand on the door handle I couldn't exactly turn back now so I opened the door. Ellen was sat in a chair behind her desk patiently waiting. The door closed behind me of its own accord.

"Headmistress." I said cordially.

"Guardian Belikov." She replied. "Have you seen Rose today?"

"No. She's in her room I think." I wondered what this line of questioning was about. Alberta had suggested that I was here for something more than asking about Rose.

"Guardian Petrov tells me you have been shirking some of your duties for her." she looked at me with her sharp eyes silently ordering me not to lie. "Why, Belikov?"

"She needs someone to look after her."

"_Vasilisa_ can do that." She said pointedly.

"Christian needs her." I shot back.

"Yes. Well. That is a most imprudent match." She pursed her lips and looked else where.

"That's not fair on them –"

"It is imprudent and the queen does not approve."

"Mrs. Kirova." I began crisply.

She flinched under my gaze and sharply looked at me only to flinch once again. I knew I shouldn't be doing this. I knew I shouldn't be purposely insubordinate but for a moment I didn't care. I could get away with it when it was guardian business but this wasn't, unless you took in to consideration that I was Vasilisa's guardian. Not that I should have had anything to do with defending her love life.

But she and Christian had something like mine and Rose's love. Whole and complete. They had a connection like ours and they were free to enjoy it. I wasn't sure I resented them exactly but I was definitely jealous. All I wanted was for Rose and I to be able to love each other and not have to hide it for the sake of Vasilisa's safety. That had almost been destroyed last weekend and I felt worse about it than anyone could ever imagine. If my Roza, the Roza who had stolen my heart didn't recover…

I would not let another faerie tale end.

"Their romance has nothing to do with why you asked me here, but let me say this: all that matters is how they feel about each other. Vasilisa is a unique young woman how will carve her way through whatever people throw at her _no_ matter who she loves."

I knew I was using my scary guardian face and I knew it was wrong but I just didn't care anymore.

"You are carrying a lot of guilt, Belikov." She said suddenly kind weary almost. "Take a few days off. Just until Rose gets her _molnija's_ and then – "

"I don't want a few days off!" I bellowed my, heart seething and anger boiling.

She sat there unmoving, as if she was the guardian and I was the untrained dhampir child. Shock filled me for a moment. Control was my speciality now, not uncontrolled outrages. Especially not uncontrolled outrages at my boss.

"What do you want, Dimitri?"

What did I want? I wanted to hold Rose in my arms forever and to love her and kiss her and make love to her and… just make her better. I didn't want the Rose who was a shell of herself. I wanted the Rose who made me laugh and smile and ache in a good way. She kept me awake at night and knew my heart and saw into my soul. Her smile in the morning was what kick started my day, the touch of her skin on mine made my heart race. When she did that my laboured breathing had nothing to do with training.

What did I want?

"They all need to say goodbye. Properly."

"Very well. I'll call Ms. Ashford and ask if they can attend the funeral."

"Thank you. I doubt that Rose has suitable clothes. She only bought training clothes last time she went shopping."

"Very well. Ask if she needs to go and then you may go if that be the case." She turned to her phone and dialed it.

I took the hint and left.


	6. Tasha

**Being slow with UD'ing so I'm putting two chapters up today this one and one about our favorite fire using Moroi. Please R&R. VA belongs to Richelle Mead. Hope you enjoy!**

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I'd never wanted to choose between them. They were both so important in my life but I couldn't lie to either of them. So there I was sitting with one thinking of the other. Breaking ones heart and saving the others.

"Dimka?" she asked.

I still hadn't looked at her and I knew I should. We were eating a late dinner in the guardians' canteen which was about the only place she didn't get shunned on campus. She'd been with Christian a lot since Spokane and this was the first time we'd seen each other.

"What's wrong?" she asked her hand reaching mine across the table.

Reflexively I pulled it back. "I can't guard you."

Tasha rightly looked shocked and sat straighter in her chair. There was a question burning in her eyes and I knew what it was. _Is there someone else?_ I guess I could have told her but there were still other dhampirs around. And how could I tell her I was choosing someone who may never recover? Instead I just told her what she already knew.

"I'm Vasilisa's guardian. She needs me more than you. If you want a guardian you could – "

"Kick up a fuss until they give me one? Rose said the same thing." she said not bitterly but not kindly either.

"She's right. I'm also needed here right now. To guard. To train Rose."

"She might not be doing much of that anymore." She said quietly and looked at her meal.

"She'll recover." I said harshly even though she had sounded and looked sad about it.

I knew she liked Rose but even still I was overly protective of her. I hadn't thought I was protective enough before and I'd been proven right. Maybe she needed this much protection. Maybe Rose did need to be wrapped up in cotton wool more than I liked to admit and more often too.

"You…" Tasha leaned across the table and whispered. "You love her don't you?"

Colour ran from my cheeks. Was it so easy to tell? I knew I kept my guard up around everyone else but around her not so much. She was a good friend stretching way back. I'd been drawn to her flaring temper and easy manner not so long after I graduated and we'd kept in touch ever since. But if it was easy for her to tell other people possibly could.

"You've been playing the good mentor well." She said leaning back. "So Dimitri Belikov _does_ have a secret."

"Look, Tasha – "

"No hard feelings. And I won't tell anyone." she stood up and walked out, her dignity still in tact.

But I'd seen the broken look in her eyes. There were hard feelings but I didn't think she'd harbour them for too long. Still I wanted to somehow make it up to her even if just to make her feel a little better.

Having lost my apatite I left the canteen a few seconds later only to see her leaning against the wall tears running down her face. My heart sank even further. I'd never seen her like this. She was always strong in my eyes. Fiery and never dwelt on the past. _You broke her heart you moron. _I scaled myself in Russian. I swore out loud.

"Kirova will kill you if she hears you saying the 'F' word. Even if it is in Russian." She said and turned to look at me. "I don't blame you. I'd do the same. She needs you. They both do."

I took a few paces towards her and leaned against the wall too. We'd done this before at a socialite party when she'd kicked up a fuss about Moroi not defending themselves. I'd had to escort her out by order of the queen. I'd kept my serious face on until we were out of the room and the doors were closed. Then we'd leaned against the wall as we laughed. Shame it wasn't the same this time round. I swore again.

"I don't think she likes 'shit' either." Tasha smiled. "Make her better, Dimka. God knows the world needs her."

"Thank you." I said as I pulled her into my arms. "Thank you."


	7. Christian

**Just a short chapter about Christian but I didn't want to make it longer and drag it out at risk of ruining it. Richelle Mead owns VA. Hope you like this. please R&R and enjoy...**

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"I'm sorry." She said against my chest and tried to wipe her eyes but the sleeve of my coat covered her hand.

We were stood in the lobby of the chapel. I'd been leaving and she'd just been coming in to go to her hide away in the attic and she'd crashed into me, tears streaking down her face. She was shivering from the cold but also out of breath from running. As soon as she wasn't falling over from running into me I put my coat around her and she'd shrugged into it just glad of the warmth it offered. The last time I had given it to someone it was Rose back at the ski lodge.

"Don't be." I soothed.

"He shouted at me." she choked and began crying again. "He said he didn't want me there. He wants to be alone. He shouted at me." her voice was barely a whisper and I had to strain my ears to hear it. She had probably forgotten that my hearing isn't as good as hers and was whispering at Moroi level.

"Come on." I said walking towards the doors.

She hesitated a moment before catching up, struggling with my stride.

"You're not my guardian yet."

"Yes I am." I snapped and then checked myself when I saw her flinch. "But this is more than that."

It took her a few moments to catch on and when she did she stopped walking, grabbing my arms as she did so. In the moonlight her face was luminous and her hair was softly glowing. The path her tears made shone but that didn't destroy the obvious beauty she had. She half looked ready to sit in the throne and half looked like the scared teen she was.

_Strange, _I thought, _how I'm more willing to think of her as much younger than me even though she's older then Rose. _

"He's angry with himself for saying what he did. Trust me, Princess."

She looked doubtful and chewed her lip. I began walking again and heard her following.

Christian opened the door. For a moment he only saw me and looked confused but also not bothered that I was there. As I looked over him another knife stabbed my heart. There wasn't much of the old Christian left. There was no defiance in his stance, shoulders slumped inwards, hair that was normally sleek was a mess of bits sticking out here and there and he looked as though he'd been wearing the same clothes for the past three days. Even his ice blue eyes seemed less on fire. Almost washed out. He didn't look like he'd slept much either.

Vasilisa stepped around me and his eyes shot to her. Guilt washed through them and he was angry with himself for what he'd said. He looked at her for a minute and I stepped away. He took my coat from her and gave it to me. Then he took his jumper off and pulled it over Vasilisa's head. When she was safely bundled inside it he pulled her into his arms letting her cry there. Right then I don't think he felt his pain all he wanted was to make the woman he loved better and take all the hurt away. Jealousy stabbed though me but I left not wanting to ruin their moment. A moment I wished I could have with Rose.


	8. Nightmares

**Thanks for all the reviews people! They make me feel good! This is just a short chapter about Dimitri's self torment. Hope you like it. Please R&R loves 3 **

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The Strigoi were still alive trying to keep out of the pools of light. One was a woman, a young Strigoi, the other a black haired man older than any I'd ever seen before. Janine and I charged them, her taking the female and me the male.

He dropped Rose who was unconscious and moved with unparalleled speed and agility to meet me before I'd really even moved. He attacked first grabbing me in a strangle hold but I managed to swipe him with my stake receiving a howl of pain in response and he dropped me to the ground. Whilst there I stabbed my stake though his foot and tore it through his knee making him drop to the floor. I didn't need a second opening and drove the stake through his heart.

I didn't even take the stake out of his heart before rushing to my _Roza's_ side. She was still lying on the same position she had fallen in. I brushed some of her hair away from her face and froze. My hand hovered in mid air half way to my face but frozen in time by blood that ran cold.

Janine knelt by_ Roza's_ side and turned her over. She froze for a second too but then began to perform CPR shouting at her, begging _Roza_ to wake up. All her movements were a blur and I was still staring at the space that had been filled by _Roza's_ face. Her beautiful face.

Someone asked for my help. I only vaguely heard it. Blankly I looked up to the person who had said it. Janine. Tears were falling down her face in a fast river. She was asking me to help her. Asking me to save her daughter.

I looked back to _Roza_ and felt tears of my own fall free. Even in death, scared but defiant, she was beautiful. I would always remember her as the _Roza_ I had come to love. Not like this. Not like this.

"She's gone, Janine." I whispered more for my benefit than hers. "She's gone."

The nightmare morphed. Sterile walls of white and harsh fluorescent lights made up the entirety of the surroundings. Even outside the cells. Guardians escorted me even though I knew the way without their help. I'd been here often enough. Tarasov Prison. We took a left and the word 'Psychiatric' was written above the door along with 'Safe Zone'.

I was left at the door to walk the corridor alone. I had been coming once a week for three months but I wasn't used to it. This place still felt alien to me. To her. She didn't belong here. She belonged with people out in the world living her life.

Turning to see her was one of the hardest things in the world. I always hoped she'd be better but I knew that there was no point in getting my hopes up and being disappointed and further hurt. I pushed all my emotions back into a box that had her name on it and turned.

She tilted her head today and looked at me for a second. "Dimitri." she whispered. "Why didn't you save me?"

My heart sank once again and all I could say around the lump in my throat was one word. One beautiful word. "_Roza_."

I looked at her for a long time but as I did so her features changed. Her skin turned pale, chalky white. Fangs extended in her mouth turning her smile into a grimace. And oh, God, the eyes. The ring of red around the eyes was enough to kill from the inside out.

If I squinted and remembered my Rose it was almost as if I was seeing both of them at once but always the strigoi Rose battled though and that was the image the burned the inside of my eyelids so even with my eyes close I'd see it. She was my Rose and not Rose at all at the same time.

I felt something jerking me, tugging me away.

"Dimitri." she called. Her voice steadily getting louder, clearer. "Dimitri

Then I wasn't in Tarasov at all. I was in the darkness of my room looking into chocolate brown eyes that didn't have a ring of red in them. My hand reached up to touch her face making her shiver. Softness came over her face, relaxing it so that she almost looked normal.

"_Roza_." I said, her name like honey in my mouth. "_My_ _Roza_."

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**A/N: Richelle Mead owns all of VA. I am incredibly jealous, but hey someone has to own it!**


	9. Eddie

**Okay this is another rather short one but I'm in the middle of writing another one that will probably have two parts so keep watching for that. For now I'll leave you with this chapter which is Eddie's reaction to not remembering much that happened in Spokane. I Actually wasn't sure how to write his character as there isn't too much of him in the books apart from when he's angry with Rose in _LS_ so let me know what you think. Hope you like it!**

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There wasn't much I wasn't prepared for after what I'd already endured. I'd spent my spare time in the chapel just thinking, trying to console myself that this wasn't entirely my fault.

I was walking back to the guardian dorms when I saw him. Eddie. He was sat on a bench under the boughs of a sycamore that was deep in shadow. He was looking at the ground, his head in his hands. I'd never really watched over him much when he was in class as I was always too distracted by Rose, but I doubted he'd ever looked so fragile. I knew him by reputation and what Rose had told me of him. He was a joker on parallel with Mason, a good strong fighter. One of the best in his class.

I was going to be late for debriefing but I couldn't just leave him there swallowed up in his own grief when I had a hand in it. I knew I was only going to incur Alberta's watchful eye and another conversation with her for this but I hoped she would understand and forgive me.

The bench was cold beneath me and sat still the winter chill quickly crept over me. Eddie looked like he'd been sat out here for a while but I think the cold was exactly why he was still out here. It would distract him from his thoughts so he could have some peace of mind for at least a little while.

I sat down suddenly apprehensive. I knew how to talk to Rose. I knew what made her feel better and what worked with her and what didn't. With Eddie I may as well have been blind. From the start though I sensed that he didn't want anyone sat next to him, so I took the bench opposite and sat so that I was diagonal from him. That way he didn't have to look at me but I could still see his facial expressions.

The silence developed stretching on in time wrapping around us not like a blanket but like a vice.

"I don't remember anything." He whispered and then said angrily, "Why don't I remember anything?"

"Strigoi endorphins." I said my eyes looking straight ahead at the bark of a tree. "They do that to you, Eddie."

"I should have been stronger. It's my fault he's –"

"No." I sharply interrupted. I hadn't meant to. I had planned to let him talk and get it all off his chest but what he was saying was too much like what Rose had said. Her face flashed in front of my eyes again – so full of sorrow and blame. I carried on firmly but, hopefully, kindly. "It is not your fault. You couldn't help what happened to you."

"I just…" he looked out at the space before him his eyes brooding and full of sadness. "I don't know." He admitted letting his head sink back to his hands.

Suddenly he sat up breathing heavily, fear all over his face. Sweat lined his brow and his hands clenched. I shifted so that I could see him properly. He was shaking. His eyes were glazed over lost in a waking nightmare. Shaking him didn't work at first making me think he was sinking further than he already had. When he did come round he looked around for a few moments as if he wasn't sure where he was.

"I remember the start." He began shakily. "The fight in the street, the gun at Mia's neck, the van, the basement. The room. The cold, square room. The seats, flex-cuffs. Rose. She was… so defiant. Brave. She's the reason we're alive I guess. I don't remember… Isaiah… every time I close my eyes I see him. His eyes. But that's not the worst part." He whispered, haunted. "I miss the bite. The endorphins. The rush…" he looked up to the sky. "It's like nothing you've ever… It's amazing." he sighed. "I never wanted it to end. When we escaped I wanted to stay. I wanted more of that bite but I wasn't able to stop them. I knew they did what was right but at the time I hated all of them. Rose, Mia, Christian. Mason." Tears filled his eyes and threatened to roll free but, without even realising it, he fought them back.

"The last thing I thought about Mason before he died was 'I hate you'. Is that so wrong?"

"No." I said softly. "You couldn't help it."

"That's what makes it worse. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help any of them. If I was more aware or just stronger I could have helped. Mason could still be alive."

"But who decided to go back for Rose?"

"I know." He sighed again letting his tears fall free.

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**Please R&R it means I keep the faith. And you get updates. This time I especially want to know if I got Eddie right. Let me know, good or bad. Criticism is always good. Loves! 3 **

**VA belongs, in its entirety, to Richelle Mead even though I desperately wish I had thought of it first.**


	10. Day Trip pt 1

**Early update! Just feel like it really. This is the one that is in two parts. This part is just the introduction to the actual event of the two chapters so just bare with it. I'll upload the next part tomorrow. The two put together are... well not so damning for Dimitri since the last few have been pretty heavy. Though Dimitri does make some uncharacteristic mistakes when keeping in a straight line is concerned. **

**Just so you know I intend to finish these one shots with the last scene of the book which will again be from Dimitri's POV. Anyway I'll stop waffling now so you can read this first half of the scene. Hope you enjoy, please R&R and let me know what you think of clumsy D****imitri. ****  
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**Oh finally, sorry delaying you again, a special shout out to _ShhListen2TheNight_, for reviewing, like, 4 chapters in one go. I was going to give you a shout out in the last scene but forgot, so THANK YOU you made my day.****  
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**PPS, this scene is perhaps totally out of order and should probably go straight after the _Ellen Kirova_ scene but just roll with it, K ;)**

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I met Rose out front at the allotted time. I was early and waited leaning against the Honda Pilot. It was a nice day out. The sun was shining and birds sung in the trees – a sound that I always missed at night. Sunlight was a welcome reprieve from the constant darkness too. It was getting warmer by the minute making the day unseasonably hot. It's a good job we wouldn't be spending much time outside since I didn't bring any sun block for Rose.

She actually arrived on time. She probably thought it was helping me believe she was almost back to normal but it only proved to me that she was still along way from healing. Dressed in dark jeans, a red top and black jacket she looked like she was just any other student here but as she got closer you could easily tell she was different. The horrors of what she had witnessed and done still stalked her. Perhaps only I could see it but her shoulders sagged slightly and her face looked weathered and haunted.

Being Rose Hathaway she forced a smile for a moment and waved. I waved back.

"I'm not going to take my qualifier now am I?" she asked trying to make a joke but her face filled with sadness perhaps this time remembering the death we found at the Badica house.

"No." I opened the door I was leaning on for her. "Get in."

"Where are we going?" she hadn't moved and I doubted she would until I told her something. I wanted to but out here, still in the Academy grounds, was the wrong place.

"Ms. Kirova decided you should get away from here for at least a little while." I lied. Well, it wasn't a complete lie but the truth wasn't as good as that. "We're going on a day trip to Missoula." _After shopping, _I promised myself, _I'll make it up to her. She will have a reprieve today. I'll buy her some doughnuts and brownies and pepperoni pizza. Taco's with ketchup. Maybe then she'll smile. _

"Get in." I said again.

The first mile of the drive was in complete silence. Rose didn't even comment on the eighties music I was playing. She just looked out her window. Only when I pulled into a small lay-by did she turn to look at me.

"So now you're going to really tell me where we're going."

I took a breath. "We're going shopping." She was still looking at me with those brown, brown eyes. "For clothes. For Mason's funeral."

The instant his name left my mouth her gaze dropped and she looked away.

"I thought I was getting away from all of that." She whispered.

I placed my hands over hers and held them tightly. "You will do I promise. Once you've got some clothes we can spend the day just walking around or sitting in a park. Whatever you want."

"I don't have any money."

"Don't worry about that. The Academy's paying for it all."

"I guess I can go all expensive." She mumbled.

It was almost a joke, almost a Rose Hathaway remark. The words were right but her tone didn't have her typical expression. God, I hoped I was doing the right thing. If I hadn't told Ellen she needed to say goodbye then I strongly suspected the school would never have thought of it. I know that it was always good for people to send off lost ones but what if… what if it made her worse? What if… what if… I sighed and started the ignition.

"Seriously Comrade, you need to listen to better music." Rose said turning the dial.

I looked over to her and grinned. I looked at her for a few moments elation filling my heart. I had one Rose Hathaway comment. She'd get better. I knew that now. I'd be more satisfied still if she put up a better wall of bravado but this was a start.

"Shit!" she yelled looking out the window.

My head snapped back to the road. Only it wasn't a road. It was a tree. I swore. A lot. I swerved the car to the right just clearing the tree and then slammed the breaks on.

"Are you alright?" I twisted in my seat and made her face me.

She was staring blankly. I shook her for a moment until she came round.

"I'm… fine." She said blinking. "Jesus Dimitri!" she exclaimed suddenly animated. "You're supposed to keep the car in the road!"

"I'm sorry – "

"We could have been killed!" she yelled opening the door. She fumbled with her seatbelt and then all but leapt out of the car.

I jumped out after her but she didn't go anywhere and just leaned against the rear door. She looked a little pale.

Then things started clicking together. Normally she'd been fine after something like this. She'd joke about it, make fun of me a little and then we'd get back on the road. But she'd been in a car crash before. The car she was in hit a tree when it slid off the road. She'd died. People she cared about died.

"I didn't think you'd remember that." I said.

"Yeah. The start of it. Seeing the tree. The swerve of the car. Screaming. Pain. Then waking up after dying I guess."

"We don't have to go."

"My only respectable length black dress got torn by psi-hounds last semester. And I really want a gooey brownie." She turned back to the car and opened her door.

I cursed under my breath once more and then got in and turned the car around. The radio turned straight back to eighties and Rose had to try and find the station she'd been on all over again giving me a scowl. I looked back at her hand half smiled.

"Eyes. Road." She ordered.

I snapped my head back to the road as ordered.

"At least until we got to the highway." She said a bit quieter focusing on tuning into what she called 'decent music' and I called trash. This was going to be one long ride.

We arrived at the mall eventually and shutting the car off was the sweetest sound in the world as the electro-dance turned to blessed silence. My headache receded a little. The fresh air of the parking lot cleared it a little more. I looked over at Rose who had suddenly become all sombre again. She'd been ignoring her pain in the car, occasionally striking up conversation but now, now that we were here to do what we were to do…

"Come on Rose. Let's just get this over and done with, okay?"

"Yeah." She sighed and closed the car door.

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**Did you like? Do you want to read the next bit? Then let me know what you thought. You know you want to press that little orange button that says REVIEW! **

**VA belongs to the most excellent Richelle Mead. **


	11. Day Trip pt 2

**Okay this is second and last part of the Day Trip scene. This one's a little... meh... compared to the last but it needs to be in for the next one I'm going to put up have its full impact. There's a bit of psychological / emotional healing going on here for both characters so read on and see what you think...**

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She didn't really look at much whilst we were walking around. Not that there was anything new here except that the clothes had changed from autumn to winter and people walked around in coats and scarves.

I decided we should go into the first shop we found to make this part of the day as short as possible for her. _Massey's_ was just inside the door so we ducked in there. She found the women's clothes quick enough but then dawdled. Pretending to look at them wasn't exactly fooling me as I guessed she was hoping. Her hands touched them and her eyes saw them but she didn't really look at them and see them for what they really were. She passed over a jumper that she would have brought if she hadn't been thinking about Mason.

I could tell she was caught in waking nightmares. She didn't need this. Not right now. Shopping for funeral clothes should have been the last thing on her mind. I wanted her out of there. As soon as possible.

As I stood debating over a jumper to buy her I looked around and saw that she'd walked further away from me than I'd thought and was now over by the shoes. Picking up the jumper I caught up with her. Well, seemed to aimlessly walk until I was a shelf behind her at the men's shoes.

"Dimitri?" Rose called.

I turned to face her.

"Can we go yet?" her voice was void of emotion. Flat. Lifeless. It crushed me inside and I felt the anguish on my face.

"In a minute." I said regretfully. We still needed to find her clothes and then pay. As there wasn't a queue it wouldn't take long.

She turned back to the shoes she was looking at. I turned away from the ones I was pretending to take an interest in and walked to her side. She was holding a pair of flat black shoes which she then passed to me with her injured hand. She flexed it and tugged at the bandage again.

"Does it hurt?" I asked taking it in mine.

"No. Just the stitches and the scarring." Again she didn't have any emotion.

"Okay. We're out of here." I caught her elbow and steered her towards the till desk. On the way I swiped a knee length skirt and a silk scarf she could hide her bandage with if she wanted to. I then swapped the jumper for a t-shirt that suited her and the occasion better.

At the till when Rose was looking away I also picked up some of the lip gloss she liked that was sat in a box next to the cashier. Normally I didn't bother with the items that were supposed to be last minute buys but on this occasion I let it slip. Besides I wanted to buy something for her just because.

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"I don't want a brownie." Rose said quietly refusing to meet my gaze.

We were in the park sat at a table near the pond. Ducks flocked on it as did little children who were busy feeding them seeds and bread.

I looked down at Rose and asked, "Why not, you love brownies?"

"I just don't okay." She looked even further away.

I thought about it for a moment, tilting my head slightly to the side before something clicked into place. "You can't not eat brownies just because the last time you had one was with Mason."

She flinched at the mention of his name. I suspected that she hadn't been around people who had said it ever since we got back. I hadn't meant to hurt her and God, I hated doing it but she couldn't be shielded forever.

I sat opposite her and put her brownie in front of her. She pushed it away barely looking at it. I looked at her for a couple of seconds before pushing it back.

"This will help." I said softly.

"That's all anyone's been saying recently, but it never does."

"Trust me, Rose. When Ivan died I stopped drinking coffee for a while because the last time someone brought me coffee it was him. I felt better after Mom forced me to have some." I confessed remembering both days vividly both of them leaving an ache in my chest.

"Are you going to force me to have it?" she looked me in the eye.

"No."

"Good." she looked back at the pond.

"But I think you should."

Rose sighed and reached for it but then flinched at a memory and pulled her hand back. "I – I can't. Not yet."

"Alright. But I want you to eat it at some point today."

She nodded once and then stood up from the table. I followed wrapping her brownie up in the napkin it came with and picked up my coffee and her coke. We didn't talk as we walked but went onwards in a comfortable silence that we both felt ourselves relax in. Rose tipped her had up to the sky letting the sun light up her whole face. After a moment I did the same hoping she could feel its heat working deep inside her to warm up her still frozen core.

As we weren't looking where we were going – which was a great move for a pair of guardians – we managed to walk onto the grass and I bumped into a tree. I cursed, in Russian of course, and rubbed my head. Rose bumped into me as well and laughed a little.

I thought for a moment I was going to get the proper Rose Hathaway laugh and smile, the smile and laugh that always made me melt inside. It wasn't. It was a gray shadow of what it normally was. A painful reminder that she wasn't anywhere near fixed yet. I knew it would take a long time but it was killing me watching her like this.

I should have been faster. I should have realised where she was sooner. If I was a better guardian things would be so much different right now. Mason would still be alive and I'd have my _Roza_. I still loved the Rose I had right now even though she wasn't the same Rose from before Spokane, but I'd never stop loving her. Whether she recovered or not I'd love her. Oh, I'd love her until the day she died. How I thought Tasha could replace her I'd never know. There was no one in this whole universe for me but my _Roza_.

"There're some benches over there." Rose said and pointed rousing me from my thoughts. "Can we go over to them?"

"Sure." I said looking round.

There were two of them in a copse of trees that shadowed all that was beneath them. It wasn't far of the path but the trees gave it privacy. It was cooler in there without the sunlight directly hitting them but not cold. Rose sat on a bench first and I sat next to her. I was about to ask her how she really was but she asked for her brownie.

Hesitantly she took it from me looking annoyed that she couldn't do something as simple as pick up a cake. She took it after a few seconds and then bit into it. Even though the memory had to be haunting her either she was really hungry or her love of all things brownie won out because after a couple of minutes of chewing it was all gone. She then had some of her coke.

The whole time I watched her battle some inner thought. It wasn't fair that someone like her should be hurt as much as she was. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept properly for a few days.

"I keep having nightmares." She said as if reading my mind.

"They'll pass."

Screwing the lid of her coke back on she said, "I'm so tired." And leant against my shoulder. "We should do this more often." She murmured as I shifted into a more comfortable position and put my arm around her. "I feel better when I'm with you."

Even though I knew she was almost asleep, because she wouldn't have said that otherwise, I said, "Sleep, my _Roza_. Sleep." And gently ran my fingers through her hair even after she was asleep.

Not wanting to wake her I sat there for ages just breathing in the smell of her shampoo which did wonders to calm me even though it was only lavender. The truth was I felt better when I was with her too. There was something soothing about her presence when she was like this – asleep and not living in nightmares. If only we could do this more often. And not just because we were both hurting, but simply because we wanted to.

My eyes began to feel heavy too. I hadn't slept much, plagued by nightmares of Rose either as Strigoi or dead or scared for life and locked away in Tarasov. I knew I should stay awake but it was daylight and the group of Strigoi had been disbanded and Missoula had a very low Strigoi count anyway, barely worth mentioning on the grand scale of things. Still I couldn't risk us being out at night. Setting the alarm of my phone for three pm I put my other arm around _Roza_ and let my head gently fall against hers.

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**Go on let me know what you think and press that little orange 'review' ****button... it's calling out to you. You know it is. Calling out to you like the **_**precious! **_** lolz**

**Richelle Mead owns all of Vampire Academy including the awesome characters. **


	12. Nightmares and Dreamscapes

**I have a feeling I stole the chapter title from _Stephen King_ but don't worry it's not a horror! This one-shot does come directly after the last one unlike the rest which are horribly out of chronological order. Anyway, we see a little of Mia in this one and some more Eddie. Hope you like it!**

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I was making my rounds feeling a bit more up-beat than I had in the past few days. When we'd awoken in the park Rose's lips had been against my hand and if I looked back and imagined the scene I could feel her lips on my skin again, warm and soft. She'd returned and given Vasilisa a smile and a wave that had instantly made the princess feel better.

It was dark now but I didn't let it dampen my mood. To make up for shirking some of my duties to help Rose, Alberta had made me take my shift even though I'd been up all of the human day as well. Okay, apart from the three hour nap we'd had. I guess it was only fair that I relieve Celeste and Emil for taking over when I went AWoL on them. Following the warm day we had a muggy night that kept the heat in.

I was by the elementary campus and could hear a kindergarten child screaming in his sleep awakening a few others as he did so. I smiled a little remembering when I had had to take a night shift in there once to cover for one of the guardians who had injured himself in training. What a fun night they had that night. One of the dhampirs had food poisoning and another just refused to go to sleep. In the end the matron had dumped him in my arms where he quickly quietened down and eventually fell asleep.

"Can you come here every night, Guardian Belikov?" the matron asked.

"I'm afraid not. This is a one off."

"Shame. If you can put him to sleep when he's in a bad mood you must be a miracle worker."

A hooting owl brought me back to my senses and I looked at my watch. Time to go over to the upper campus. Whilst there I had to walk the halls and listen out for any would be escaping students. It wasn't passed the time when they would do that just yet. Some would probably still be awake if they had an assignment due to hand in tomorrow.

Just because it was my luck it started raining when the building came into sight. And I'd left my coat in the car. Typical. It wasn't like I was wearing a particularly water resistant or even warm jumper either. And I'd left my hair down. Ugh.

By the time I got into the building I couldn't look any more like a drowned rat if I tried. I couldn't even just quickly go and get changed either. I had to wait until I was either finished for the night or I could quickly nip into my room whilst passing it.

The matron of the Moroi dorm laughed when she saw me coming towards her.

"Jesus Christ, Guardian Belikov. I thought you had more sense than going out in the rain without a coat." She giggled.

"You have to do what you have to do." I said wiping jet another drop of rain out of my eyes. "I don't suppose you have a towel I can use?"

"Yes in the bathroom. Mia went in there a while ago looking more like a zombie than anything but I don't think she'll mind."

"Thanks."

The bathroom was four doors down. It was much the same as the dhampir ones. A row of showers on the far wall, and island in the middle for mirrors and sinks and opposite them were toilets. The towels were on the side near the showers in a built in cupboard. It was when I went around that side that Mia saw me.

"I thought you guys had your own showers." She said.

I turned to face her. She was stood by the far end sink pulling knots out of her hair with her fingers. I could tell she hadn't been sleeping much and had been crying recently.

"I got caught in the rain." I said. "Mia are you –"

"Don't." she said bluntly. "I'll get over it. Besides I'm getting out of this hell hole tomorrow. I'm going to live at court with my dad." She paused and scrunched her face up when she found a particularly stubborn knot.

There was a hairbrush lying near the sink next to me. I picked it up and passed it to her. "What are you going to do there?" I asked. There was something different about her now. Something like what I saw in Tasha.

"I'm going to learn how to fight. I'll find a guardian who will teach me and I'll figure out how to use my magic."

As a school guardian I should have opposed her and told her that it was wrong but I knew there would be no stopping her after everything that she'd been through not to mention that I thought it was a good idea.

"Good luck." I said rubbing my hair with a towel as I walked towards the door. "I should get back."

"Sure. Thanks…" I looked back at her. I could see what she wanted to say in her eyes but instead she said, "For the brush."

I nodded once and left the room realising I'd picked a pink towel. This really wasn't my night. All that had happened was Rose smiling and looking more like her normal self. Was it really just that that had made me forget to act normally? I heard the matron chuckling further down the hall no doubt at my towel choice. I ignored her and continued rubbing my hair dry.

I managed the majority of the round without finding anyone doing anything they shouldn't apart from Eddie sitting in the lounge instead of in bed.

"You know," he began once I'd told him to go back to his room. "most people leave this room 'til last."

"I'll get you passed the matron but I don't want to find you out here again, Eddie." I said in formal guardian mode. I knew that right now he needed to be left to do his own thing for a while but in the interest of his safety he had to stay in his room when curfew passed.

"Thank you."

The matron didn't look too pleased to be seeing him being escorted back to his room. I made something up in the spot.

"He was testing dorm security for me." I lied.

She seemed satisfied with the 'reason' and settled back down in her chair.

"It's the funeral tomorrow." Eddie said quietly. "Are you coming?"

"Yes."

"Alright." He said and turned into his room.

After that I checked the female dhampir dorms. From the end I could hear screaming that I was surprised hadn't woken the entire wing, even the matron stationed here didn't seem to hear it. Pulling my stake out I rushed to the source of the screaming. It was Rose's room.

I flung the door aside and took in what was happening. There were no Strigoi here. Just Rose. She was sleeping thrashing wildly in her bed screaming, caught up in a nightmare.

I put my stake away and leaned over her.

"Rose." I said shaking her. "Rose! _Roza_!"

She suddenly sat up and looked around. She was breathing heavily and had sweat on her brow, tears were running down her face and she was looking around with fear filled eyes. I sat on the bed next to her.

"It's alright. It was just a dream." I said in English and then carried on in Russian. "I'm here, _Roza_. It's alright. It was just a dream."

She quickly calmed down and leaned into my side. Her breathing slowed and I let my arms fall around her and stroke her hair.

"I never normally have this many dreams." She shakily whispered.

"You have nightmares every night?" I asked my stomach falling and feeling like a pit of despair. She'd seemed so much better today.

"Not just nightmares. Sometimes he's in them and he's alive. Sometimes we're skiing or in the commons laughing about practice. But then it turns into Spokane." I felt her squeeze her eyes shut and she wiped her eyes. "Sometimes he's just dead but sometimes it's worse. Sometimes he's Strigoi. Sometimes Christian's Strigoi." More tears fell from her eyes as she spoke but then she abruptly sat up. "You're on shift aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"You should get back."

"Yeah."

She lay back down and pulled the covers up around her chin. I stayed hovering by her side for a few more minutes before walking out and softly closing the door.

Guilt welling in my heart I whispered, "Oh, my _Roza_."

Then I put my guardian mask back on and finished my shift.

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**So did you like it? Let me know. Just push the one button to rule them all... (I have no idea why the LotR references lately.) **

** Richelle Mead, the wonderful Richelle Mead, owns _Vampire Academy_. **


	13. Phone Call from Home

**New chapter woo! Richelle Mead owns VA, alas not me. But if I could... **

**Let me know what you think, hope you like it! **

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"I heard that you were involved in the Spokane incident, are you alright?" Mom gabbled down the phone before I could even say hello.

Her voice was like a balm to me. It always had been. I hadn't realised how much I wanted to talk to her until now. I felt safer somehow and, I don't know, almost like I was back in Baia with none of this to worry me. I lay backwards on my bed and sighed.

"Mom are you talking to Dimka? Is he alright?" I heard Sonya in the back ground and then four different sets of footsteps coming towards the phone.

"Hang on, I'll put you on speaker phone."

"No, don't." I said. "I'll talk to them in a minute."

All the footsteps retreated with mutterings and soft exclamations.

"Talk to me, Dimitri." Mom said in her no nonsense voice, worry laced it too.

"I'm alright." I said and lay back on my bed and closed my eyes. "Someone died."

Mom gasped and waited for me to talk in my own time. I took a deep breath and ploughed on feeling my heart sink with every word.

"And Roza, my student, she was almost killed too. She's never going to be the same again." I said quietly my eyes filling with tears.

"You care about her don't you? A lot."

"More than I should." I admitted.

"Oh my Dimitri Belikov, what pickle have you gotten yourself into now?" she asked fondly.

The last time she'd said that I was thirteen making bread by myself for the first time. I'd ended up getting flour everywhere when I knocked the flour pot eover and broke the pot at the same time and had dough in my hair and down my clothes. Mom walked into the room with Mark and Oksana who all began laughing.

"It's not funny." I said still trying to pull dough out of my hair even though my fingers were caked in it.

"Oh my Dimitri Belikov what pickle have you gotten yourself into now?" Mom asked whilst laughing and pushing me towards the table. She then took the camera off the top of the fridge.

Finally seeing the funny side I made a face and made claws out of my hands and let her take a photo. Well, after she took one of me not looking all that pleased that she was holding a camera to my face when I looked like I'd just been in a bread factory explosion.

The memory wrapped around me and I sighed. Weren't things so much simpler back then? Sometimes I wish I could go back and re-live it all just so I could be a care free teen again.

"I don't know Mama. I don't know." A tear leaked out of my eye and I quickly brushed it away.

"Dimka, talk to me." Mom said softly. It was kind of an order but not exactly. She wanted to know but at the same time understood if I didn't want to tell.

Instead of keeping it all inside, I told her everything. How much I loved Rose, how it all started, the lust charm. Everything. Everything from how much I looked forward to seeing her in the mornings to the stolen kisses and the frustration of having to keep it hidden whilst people around us were free to love who and how they wanted. I just wanted to hold her and make it all better.

In the park earlier that day we'd been allowed to steel a moment together and it had been the sweetest thing in the world. When we were together we both felt better, like all that had happened was a distant memory and how we were healing.

We were in sync all of the time, able to look into each others' hears, minds and souls without even really trying and half the time. When we learnt something about each other it was by accident. Like the time when Rose figured out I was always fighting for control. It was scary sometimes but it was beautiful.

With Rose I felt truly at peace and believed that one day everything was going to be right with the world.

At least I did when she wasn't hurting. With her as she was now… well I saw signs of recovery – her changing the radio station in the car, making herself eat a brownie. But it was taking so long. And then when I thought she was better she went backwards having nightmares at kept her up most nights.

The pain had been stabbing me in the chest for a long time, gnawing away at my heart. I wanted to scream and shout that this wasn't fair, that none of this should have happened.

"You took time to heal after Ivan. Sometimes I wonder if you're there yet." Mom interjected softly.

"It takes time."

"Then give Rose time. She'll get there. You said it yourself – she's slowly getting there."

"She shouldn't have been there in the first place." I whispered.

"Do not blame yourself for this. You couldn't have known."

"Alberta blames me."

"Screw what Alberta says." She said hotly.

"But it is. I shouldn't have told her."

"It's –"

"Mom." I interrupted sharply so we wouldn't get into an argument. "Can I talk to Viktoria now?"

"Yes. Just remember what I said." She called for Viktoria.

I heard her run down the stairs and take the phone from Mom almost dropping it in the process.

"Hi, Dimitri." she chirped correctly guessing I didn't want to talk about my problems anymore. Hearing her voice was good, half transporting me back to when I was still in school and I was her favourite older sibling. We used to do everything together like going to the shops to get sweets or playing in the park.

Taking a deep breath I said, "Hi. Are you alright?"

"Ugh, got suspended yesterday for knocking out some womaniser in my class. Mom's making me do chores."

I smiled and laughed a little thinking that it was just typical for her to do something like that. "Well maybe you'll have learnt your lesson then."

"Oh c'mon, Dimitri!" she exclaimed. "You can't honestly be saying you don't think I should have KO'd him, are you?"

I thought about it for a moment. "Don't tell Mom?"

She laughed. "Exactly. I should be getting praise not chores."

I sighed and felt myself go into instructor mode. "Punching people isn't always the answer. You need to think before you act."

Viktoria sighed too. "Do you give your student the same Zen crap too?"

"Yeah, and it's working." I said remembering how Rose called it 'Zen Crap' as well. I sighed wishing she was better, wishing she was back to being my _Roza_ again.

"Alright. I'll kick him next time. In the nuts."

I rolled my eyes and ignored her instead asked, "How's the rest of school going?" again sucking in all my emotions for the sake of everyone else.

I didn't regret doing it. They didn't all need to worry about me in the way that Mom now was. I just wished I could have let the emotion out for a bit longer. Viktoria had made me feel a little better though by purposely mocking my teaching methods and taking my mind off where I really was as she transported me back to Baia where everything was a lot simpler.


	14. Molnijas

**Sorry it's a bit late - I've been a tad distracted and had mind block and my internet's been fritz. Blegh. But now I'm back. This is the last but one chapter. Sorry peoples it's almost finished! I'm actually looking forward to the next scene. I get to write a kiss from Dimitri's POV! How awesome can you get! Anyway before I get waaaaay to excited about that I'll put it up in a couple of days but for now here's the next scene.**

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I was talking to a couple of guardians from the lower campus when Rose arrived with her mother. She still looked kind of awed knowing what was about to happen but mostly she looked sad. Sad for what she'd done and for what she'd seen.

She was only wearing jeans and a plain black t-shirt but, oh, she was the most beautiful person in the world. I hadn't seen much of her since Mason's funeral and seeing her again took my breath away. Two days ago she'd been crushed and crying in my arms today she was almost back to the Rose I had fallen for.

Once Rose had entered the room the ceremony was going to be held in we all filed in after her. All of the campus guardians were here to witness this – my student getting her first _molnijas_. Everyone would look at her differently now. She was in 'the ranks' as Stan had said earlier. Now people would more or less look upon her as a guardian.

We all formed ranks when Rose sat on the stool that had been placed for her. I was in the second row behind Janine. The whole time I looked at Rose who looked surprised at how much getting tattoos hurt. I remembered my first _molnijas_ and had thought the same thing. To me it was like the final pain of killing a Strigoi and after that I had to move on. After my last _molnija _I had to move on from losing Ivan too. I hoped this would help Rose in the same way it helped me.

When finally I was able to talk to her I couldn't find the words. For some it was hard to believe that this was the same person who had taken the Dragomir Princess away from the Academy, that Rose was the same irrational, impulsive person she had been when she came back after her illicit escape, and that she was just a seventeen year old kid who hadn't finished her training. For some people this would be a slap in the face but those of us who knew her well – her teachers, the guardians often assigned to watch her class, her mom, me – well it was just confirmation of what we already knew. She would be one of the best guardians in recent history.

She'd make a name of herself and handle it was diligence and pride no matter who she was guarding or where she was and what she was doing. She would stand out from everyone. She'd do things her own way I had no doubt of that and she still had a lot of learning to do especially where her self control was concerned, but she'd be the best guardian out there when she graduated.

As I looked at her she took in everything my eyes were telling her, how proud of her I was and how much I loved her because I loved her more than anything in the world. If I'd lost her that day… If she hadn't been able to recover… Well I don't think I would have ever been the same.

Her eyes brimmed with tears and for the first time in days it didn't kill me inside to see them. They weren't tears of sadness or regret or pain they were… well not happy tears but something similar. I rested my hand on her cheek for a moment, her warmth spreading through me, and then walked away that same pride still filling my heart.

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**Just a short chapter but did you like it? Just press that review button to let me know. **

**Richelle Mead invented and therefore owns VA. I love her for it.**


	15. Looking Forwards

**LAST CHAPTER! Well now that we're here I don't know whether to be happy to have got to this point or sad that it's over. Bit of both maybe. I hope you liked it and enjoyed reading, the reviews were certainly encouraging (: Thanks to everyone who did review, alert or favourite this. **

**Okay this chapter is as promised the last scene from_ Frostbite_ from Dimitri's POV. I know you guys have high expectations and I wouldn't expect any less so I hope this chapter meets your standards more over I hope you enjoy it!**

Richelle Mead owns VA and all the speech I used comes from Frostbite. Richelle owns ALL!

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"I thought you might come by." I said putting a book mark in the paged of the western I was reading as the door swung open.

I had a feeling she'd consider herself better today since she had a _molnijas_ and all, but although she was healing and much better than she had been she was still no where near fully recovered. I had seen it today when I was observing her classes. There wasn't much that gave her away. She'd joked with her classmates about not letting them see the _molnijas_ just yet and had smiled with everyone but there were still signs of her torment. Stiffening of the shoulders, gazing off into space for a few seconds here and there, being slightly distracted. Eddie was about the only other person who had noticed.

"It's time for practice." She said in a matter-of-fact way.

"No." I shook my head admiring her determination. "No practice today." Even though she looked pretty normal in her work out clothes there was still no way I was going to cave. She seemed to forget that I knew what she was going through and knew how to handle this and help her. "You still need to recover."

"I've got a clean bill of health." Now how did I know she was going to say that? "I'm good to go."

To anyone else she would have seemed fine but I knew her better than anyone else. Rose logic wasn't going to work this time. Besides I could hear the forced bravery she put into her words.

I gestured to the chair I had pulled up next to me when I came in here knowing this conversation was inevitable. "Sit down, Rose."

She hesitated a moment no doubt knowing what was to come too. I didn't want to put her through any unnecessary pain, but I'd wanted to have this conversation for the past few days but only now was the time right.

I took a breath. "No one gets over their first kill…" what the hell? There was no need to be all soft about it she knew what I meant. But the way she flinched set me on edge. "Kills…easily. Even with Strigoi… well, it's still technically taking a life. That's hard to come to terms with. And after everything else you went through…" those days events replayed in my minds eye. Learning that she was missing, realising it was my fault, finding the house in Spokane… her eyes, her terrified eyes…

I sighed. "When I saw your face… when we found you in that house… you can't imagine how I felt."

"How did you feel?"

How to describe it? The gut wrenching fear that stopped my heart cold, sorrow that something like that should be allowed to happen to someone as beautiful as her… Angry with myself. But most of all sad. More than sad. "Devastated… grief-stricken. You were alive but the way you looked…" the imaged plagued me again. There were no tears on her face, just a feral coldness that didn't recognise any of us. "I didn't think you'd ever recover. And it tore me apart to think of it happening to you so young." I hadn't even realised I was holding her hands but I found myself squeezing them perhaps to comfort myself, to reassure myself that this wasn't some dream and that she was actually sitting before me. "You will recover – I know that now. I'm glad." Understatement of the centaury. "But you aren't there yet. Not yet. Losing someone you care about is never easy." I admitted.

I knew what this was like after losing Ivan. It had taken months for me to recover and even now when I though about him I still felt something stabbing my heart. And I'd almost lost Rose too…

Rose dropped her eyes to the floor to hide her emotions from me and in a quiet voice said, "It's my fault."

"Hmm?"

"Mason getting killed."

She'd said the same at his funeral. I'd figured she was passed accusing herself after that, after I told her it wasn't her fault. Obviously not. I could feel the compassion flooding my face and I didn't bother hiding it. "Oh, _Roza_. No. You made some bad decisions… you should have told others when you knew he was gone… but you can't blame yourself. You didn't kill him."

She looked back up and tears filled her eyes making my heart wrench again. "I might as well have. The whole reason he went there – it was my fault. We had a fight… and I told him about the Spokane thing even though you asked me not to."

A tear fell from her eye. I gently wiped it away.

"You can't blame yourself for that." I soothed. "You can regret your decisions and wish you'd done things differently," _Like not gone on holiday and left Ivan with only one guardian for example, _my mind bitterly said for the thousandth time since it had happened. "but in the end, Mason made his decisions too." _like let you take that vacation, _another bitter voice said, one that hated Ivan for being so generous with him. I shook those thoughts away. "That was what he chose to do. It was his decision in the end, no matter your original role." Maybe, I thought, saying that was for my benefit as well as hers.

Whilst I briefly pondered that I noticed the changes on Rose's face. She was thinking about Mason's last actions and the motives behind them – his feelings for her and how they lead to his death. The same problems that faced Rose and I – focusing on each other instead of the task in hand and keeping our Moroi safe.

"I just wish I'd been able to… I don't know, do anything…" she swallowed back a few more tears and pulled her hands out of mine.

I wanted to hold her hands, her small, small hands for ever even if doing so would only keep her slightly safer. At least I knew she'd be safe.

"I should go." She choked. "Let me know when you want to start practice again. And thanks for… talking." She began to walk away.

"No." I said surprising myself. What was I doing?

She glanced back at me. "What?"

I knew this was supposed to be a conversation to help her get better and not about _us,_ but I couldn't exactly turn back now. I held her steady gaze, love and something else, something warm and wonderful passing between us.

"No. I told her no. Tasha."

Rose's eyes widened in, I don't know, shock, surprise? "I…" she began her jaw half dropping to the floor. "But… why? That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You could have had a baby, And she was… she was, you know, into you…"

I felt a smile flicker across my lips either at Rose's confusion and understanding of why I would have taken the offer, or at Tasha's kindness, or even Rose's lack of understanding why I had had refused Tasha, I wasn't sure.

"Yes she was." I said ruefully. "Is. And that's why I had to say no. I couldn't return that… I couldn't give her what she wanted. Not when…"

I almost stopped myself from saying it. Almost stopped myself from uttering the forbidden words but the past few days had been painful for me and I just had to let her know how I really felt. I involuntarily took a few steps towards her.

"Not when my heart is somewhere else."

I could see more tears well up in her eyes. This time I wasn't sure what they were for. "But you seemed so into her. And you kept going on about how young I acted."

Didn't she know that was one of the things I loved about her? "You acted you because you _are_ young. But you know things, _Roza_. Things people older than you don't even know. That day…" I knew she knew which day I was on about. That day in the gym when she kissed me. "You were right, about how I fight to stay in control." _Especially around her_, that inner voice nagged again. "No one else has ever figured that out – and it scared me. _You_ scare me."

She could look into the depths of my soul without even trying very hard. She was so... amazing and wonderful and well, what she could do to me, how she could send me to the moon and back with just the simplest touch or smile… well it was scary that one woman, that she, could have such a profound effect on me.

"Why? Don't you want anyone to know?"

"Whether they now or not doesn't matter." I shrugged. "What matters is that someone – that you – know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend."

"Like Tasha."

"Tasha Ozera is an amazing woman. She's beautiful and she's brave. But she doesn't – "

"She doesn't get you." Rose said once again finding the words I couldn't.

I nodded. "I knew that. But I still wanted the relationship. I knew it would be easy and that she could take me away from you." It wasn't what I wanted at all but it was the smart thing. The thing I should have done a long time ago. "I thought she could make me forget you."

How I ever thought anyone could make me forget my _Roza_ was beyond me but I had thought it at the time, perhaps to try and convince myself that I could do the sensible thing and leave Rose behind. But since when has love been a sensible thing? Since when can you act rationally when you love someone as much as I loved her?

"But she couldn't." Rose said thinking of her and Mason.

I nodded. "Yes. And, so… that's a problem."

"Because it's wrong for us to be together."

"Yes."

"Because of the age difference."

"Yes."

"But more importantly because we're going to be Lissa's guardians and we need to focus on her – not each other."

"Yes."

She looked away for a moment thinking about something. Using her Rose Logic. Then she looked straight into my eyes. "Well," she said at last, "the way I see it, we aren't Lissa's guardians _yet_."

Normally her Rose Logic was infuriating but this… this was the best bit of logic I'd heard in a long time. It was a gem of logic even for her. Convoluted and still not able to justify our relationship in the slightest, but still brilliant. She stood there waiting for my logic, Zen life lessons as she called them.

Instead I kissed her. There was nothing else for it and I didn't want deny my feelings anymore. I'd almost lost her. I'd been worried about her for so long now and I just wanted to hold her in my arms.

Slowly I reached my hands out to her face and bent down to her brushing my lips lightly against hers. I knew she couldn't stand this kind of proximity without there being some sort of heat to it. I knew this kind of thing drove her insane – I could feel it in her trembling breath and pleasure stricken body. I pressed my lips to hers and she responded. Her warmth travelled through me making me tremble as much as her.

Her hands slowly reached up, tracing a path along my arm and back to rest around my neck to pull me closer. My hands moved of their own accord to circle her waist and pull her up and close building the heat between us.

This, this is what I'd wanted to do for so long. All I'd wanted since Spokane was to hold her in my arms and kiss all her nightmares away, and now that she was in my arms… it was almost like none of that had ever happened.

Heat coursed between us filling the air with love's sweet song. The air was alive with it making it dance and shimmer. The kiss became deeper, headier. My hands roamed along her back tracing every rise and fall, memorising everything about her. The way the skin that was exposed was smooth and warm, silky to the touch. The way her muscles quivered underneath my touch.

She was perfect. And she was mine. Mine for ever if that's what she wanted.

The kiss simmered and I only pulled away enough to gently kiss her forehead and even that distance seemed a million miles away. I held her close for few more brief seconds and then pulled away. Running a hand through her hair, the hair that I loved I took those few moments to memorise everything about her. Before stepping away my fingers skimmed across her cheek marvelling at her beauty.

"I'll see you later, _Roza_." I said as I walked.

"At our next practice? We _are_ starting those up again, right? I mean, you still have lots of things to teach me?"

God, did she know what her voice did to me? It was soft like freshly woven wool and it rose and fell like music from a flute and gently flowed like a river. I felt my insides turn to mush and my heart beat quickened to the erratic pace of a racing stream train.

Standing in the door way I turned back to her and smiled, "Yes. Lots of things."

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**So that is the end. I really hoped you liked it. Just let me know by pressing that review button - Reviews always make me happy. **

**Once again thank you to everyone who stick with this story even though all the one shots are incredibly out of order, so if you were expecting a chronological story that made loads of sense and then were confused when it didn't (e.g. the second part being Mason's funeral and the _Day Trips_ parts bing about Rose getting clothes for the funeral (incidentally if you hadn't noticed that just ignore this and pretend I've not said anything)) sorry but I hope it didn't distract too much. **

**Special thanks to _Twilighternproud_ (sorry if I spelt your name wrong) for the _Nightmares and Dreamscapes_ chapter idea. Twas an awesome idea and I loved writing it**

**I had some truly lovely reviews that kept the faith when either my computer broke and refused to work, my internet broke and refused to work or my brain broke and refused to work! lol! **

**For all who stuck with it I LOVE YOU!**

**If you like this stuff from Dimitri's point of view I'm working on writing what happened to Dimitri whilst Rose was in Spokane but this time in a more story format. You know the completely in order and makes perfect sense type of story. **

**Also starting on Monday I'll be uploading the sequel to my story _Camping_ which will see Rose and Dimitri trying to juggle their love life around being full time Guardians but I still need a title for it so if you have any awesome spontaneous ideas I would be incredibly grateful. **

**Okay I promise I'm going to shut up now so you can hit that little review button (if that wasn't a hint I don't know what was) I'm just going to say a final thank you and I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Loves**

**~Fury**


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